Cobalt Blue
by Iluvenis Telperien
Summary: [One shot] Long read exploring the intracacies of the SenRu relationship. Subtlely heartbreaking towards the end.


Cobalt blue

Disclaimer: Slam Dunk belongs to Takehiko Inoue, IT plannings. Rukawa and Sendoh, along with most of the characters, unless otherwise stated as an OC (Original Character), are property of Inoue sensei as well.  

(Damn it, I hate disclaimers)

Pairings: Sendoh X Rukawa

Genre: Shounen-ai, Romance, Angst

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[Chapter One]

The lone figure in the basketball court dribbled the ball in an easy, almost casual manner. To the onlooker, Rukawa Kaede looked bored, his cobalt blue eyes gazing into the distance, unfocused. Those eyes briefly lidded by long, dark lashes, the super rookie frowned slightly beneath his messy black bangs.

Sendoh was late. An hour late.

He didn't know why it bothered him so much that Sendoh was late for the one-on-one practice. It wasn't as if he couldn't practice on his own. After all, he'd done that for pretty much the whole of his life. A few images flashed by his subconscious vision: A mangled car, a street hoodlum attack, deranged snipers, a mangled Sendoh Akira…

He shut his eyes to will those images away. Sendoh Akira, for all his bad luck to be born with the irritating smile and cheery disposition, would not be that unlucky.

"Good morning Rukawa-kun!" The overly bright voice penetrated his foggy thoughts. Rukawa felt the usual sense of annoyance whenever he saw Sendoh, or heard his voice. No, he didn't really like the way Sendoh's bright white teeth glistened when he beamed, didn't really like how his eyes turn to smiling crescents whenever Rukawa said something in sarcastic attempts to dislodge him from his cheeriness. 

He turned to look at the newcomer, his cobalt blue gaze sharp, "Late," Rukawa muttered, twirling the basketball in his hand in an almost indifferent manner. At least Sendoh was smart enough to realize that Rukawa was peeved, "I'm so sorry, Rukawa-kun," Sendoh apologized sincerely, "I was, eh, preoccupied with, eh, personal dealings," 

Rukawa raised an eyebrow at his unusual incoherence.

The truth was that he had spent two hours in the bath, thinking about his relationship with Rukawa. Sendoh had never told, nor shown anyone the deep side to himself. Despite his easy-going and carefree attitude on the surface, he regarded each and every game of his highly and valued any worthy opponents – not based on their skills, but the passion and drive behind them. Sakuragi was one, and Rukawa was the other. Sakuragi, being a beginner, was coarse in his skills, but made up for it with his determination. Rukawa, however, was something to be reckoned with. He had to be the most intense player that Sendoh ever saw. 

When he played, it was as though nothing else mattered. The world could have dissolved and Rukawa would be perfectly fine with it as long as he could continue playing basketball. Sendoh was intrigued, no, mesmerized by the aura of passion that emanated from the younger boy. It was as though he came through a thousand decades, groping in the dark, in search of someone who shared his sentiments of basketball, and Rukawa was the sole source of light in the mundane swirl of meaningless fame and glory everyone else seemed to pursue. 

The finesse by with Rukawa handled the ball, was captivating, to Sendoh. The boy made him rediscover his zeal for the game. The zeal that was lost in the years of watching people struggle towards empty goals. He kept his enthusiasm – played just well enough to win. He felt nothing of the joys of winning, or the pain of losing.  

And Rukawa entered his dull world, with his all-conquering determination and intense cobalt blue gaze. 

The minute their eyes met for the first time in the Ryonan-Shohoku practice match, Sendoh felt as though he knew Rukawa for the whole of his life. The coach and the manageress were giving the Shohoku team a pep talk, and Sendoh could nearly hear Rukawa screaming in his head, "Just shut up and let me get out there to play". The words stirring his restless, eager mind like helicopter choppers. He needed no pep talk to drive himself. 

Sendoh was surprised no end by the depths of boy's skills and his equally powerful determination. It seemed that he had finally found a worthy opponent.

For once in a long while, Sendoh played hard. It was worth it, to set his heart and soul into the game, to pit his strength against someone who would reciprocate the passion. In the practice match, he won, but barely. Sendoh felt happy that he won, not only because he won the game, but also because he felt the pride of overpowering someone with strength as great as his. Someone who actually mattered. Someone who was actually worth defeating. 

The second time Rukawa played against him, he lost. Sendoh felt lost, not because he was beaten. He thought himself undeserving of playing against Rukawa because he felt that he did not play with the ardor to match Rukawa's. But when Rukawa sought him out just before the Inter-High championships, Sendoh knew that he wasn't the only person who found a worthy opponent. 

And there he was, carefully extending a hand of friendship towards the quiet and aloof boy. 

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Rukawa didn't know what hit him when he accepted Sendoh's friendship. He seldom had anyone who would be interested in anything other than his fame or his looks. But this time Sendoh seemed to be sincere and as much as he hated to admit it, Rukawa felt that he could trust Sendoh because he felt safe around his warm presence.

The one-on-one practices became routine, and Rukawa, despite being jealously protective of his rare times of solace, enjoyed those sessions. Sendoh was witty, funny and – _caring_. He genuinely cared. It wasn't as though he was being very obvious about it, but Rukawa found the little antics like passing him a towel or a water bottle strangely heart-warming. All right, his fans did the same things as well, but those actions lacked Sendoh's casual subtlety. 

Rukawa noticed that Sendoh's smiles were excessive, and he hated them. It was strange to imagine that while millions of fans swooned after the famous smiles, Rukawa abhorred them even though he was the recipient of many of such smiles. There was something unnatural about the smiles. They were natural, yes, and bore no evil intentions nor hid a hideous heart, but they seemed compelled. Forced. 

"You don't have to do that," Rukawa looked into Sendoh's eyes. 

"Do what?" Sendoh continued smiling, though his eyes betrayed curiosity. 

"Smile unnecessarily," Rukawa skimmed the subject lightly.

The positively curved lips faltered slightly and Sendoh felt himself caught in a whirlwind of emotions, as he seemed to be cut to pieces by the cobalt blue gaze. Those eyes pierced his soul and scoured him inside out. It appeared that Rukawa had other sharp talents apart from playing like a demon. He didn't know that mind reading or soul searching was a possible ability for a human. 

He sought for words, his eyes wandering before catching Rukawa's, "And- why would you say that?"

"Because." Rukawa turned away, his gesture apparent that he wanted nothing more of the conversation. The two launched upon their intense playing.

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Something changed in their relationship over the few months. 

Rukawa remained the silent figure trailing after Sendoh's confident strides, while Sendoh talked about many things – basketball, school, people and relationships. The two tall figures became quite familiar around the Kanagawa district as people often saw them sitting on park benches, talking for hours – Sendoh doing most of the talking, usually. They hung out at small cafes and restaurants, sometimes sitting merely in silence, and yet un-uttered words flew between them. They achieved a state of mutual understanding that one knew what the other wanted without making verbal exchanges. 

They would run into teammates sometimes, and were met with words of flippant nature as well as questions as to why they would acquaint with each other. Sendoh usually ushered them off with his brilliant smiles and tact in speech, explaining that they were friends, and nothing more. 

Sendoh realized somewhere along the path, that he had fallen for the boy with hair as dark as sin and eyes as blue as sapphires. He didn't know when Rukawa became a necessity in his life, didn't know when he could not wake up without wondering if Rukawa was up yet. He didn't know when he would notice clothes in shops without pondering whether those would look good on Rukawa. He found himself constantly arguing with Rukawa over the latter's dangerous habit of falling asleep cycling. He even made it a point to make morning calls to Rukawa so that he would not be late for school.

Sometimes he would hear words of scorn dropping from the lips of people who didn't know Rukawa. "That cold bastard…thought he is the top of everything…" and many of the alike. All the time, he would face the people down with his overwhelming height and anger. They knew nothing of his Kaede. They do not have the right to make twisted assumptions about his silence. 

_His…Kaede_?

In Sendoh's eyes Rukawa was anything but cold. He was definitely quiet, and distances himself from people. But it would be so for an introvert who does not particularly prefer company. Those months of being close with him had let him in on many aspects of Rukawa's personality. He could be humorous when he chose to, and had a sharp sense of amusing sarcasm. He had knowledge of many things apart from basketball – politics, sciences, hobbies and whatever appeared on the newspapers. 

Quite contrary to popular belief, Rukawa had a normal family with loving parents and siblings. It seemed that Rukawa had a troop of 4 rather amusing brothers who had personalities totally different from their fourth brother. [1] 

Sendoh found himself chewing through the many memories and moments he shared with Rukawa. It also dawned upon him that their relationship would now be drastically different, him having discovered his emotions. He dreaded the change. 

Would Rukawa accept him? Or would he just walk away? Away from Sendoh's sight and out of his life?

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[1] Refer to 'Eye Candy' and 'Rukawa Team' for more.

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Rukawa saw something different in Sendoh that day; he just couldn't pinpoint what the difference was. He chose to give Sendoh the privacy. The older boy would tell him if he was willing to. 

It was towards the end of the day that Sendoh felt that he had to come clean with Rukawa. They were strolling through a private section of the park, side by side. 

"Rukawa-kun, I have something to tell you,"

Rukawa stopped in his path and looked at Sendoh expectantly. Sendoh gulped as he felt the cobalt blue gaze assess him. It was almost painful to imagine how those eyes would turn away in shock and disgust and fade out of his life.

"I…I love you,"

There, he said it. Sendoh felt his heart turn inside out, twist around his coronary vessels and leap erratically.

Rukawa took the information quietly, ingesting those words.

The silence was deafening, and Sendoh was nearly torn by the raging emotions within him upon seeing Rukawa's reaction, or lack of reaction. Was he contemplating how to make a tactful rejection? 

"I'm sorry Rukawa-kun, and I understand if you don't feel the same way for me. We… we are just fr-" 

Words were cut off when soft lips pressed against his insistently. Sendoh felt hot tears sting his eyes. It didn't come to naught after all. Rukawa did love him.

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More changes in their relationship and more changes in their lives. Sendoh and Rukawa came together.

They would spend hours at each other's place, brushing up on schoolwork before finally settling on the bed, nestled in each other's embrace, talking softly. Their family members were very understanding about their relationship and apart from a few teasing statements, there were no other comments.

There was almost nothing sexual in their liaison, if the kisses were not counted. Sendoh understood that Rukawa was shy about sex, and they agreed to keep their raging teenage hormones under control while they are still students. 

On the matches, they still played like heated rivals, neither giving in to each other. Both of their skills, under constant practice against a worthy opponent (each other) improved drastically. The team coaches often wished that they were on the same team instead of rivaling each other. They would have made a formidable duo. The two would leave together after the matches, all sharp rivalry lost in the silent caresses and the way their hands linked gently.

Before they even realized it, they were graduated from university and were admitted into society. Sendoh had an apartment bought by his father and they lived together.

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It had been 7 years. 7 long, weary years which would not have endured if they did not have each other. Rukawa was a professional basketball player while Sendoh joined a modeling agency. Their hectic schedules cut their time short, and they treasured every single minute spent with each other. 

It was all to be changed one day.

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As abruptly as he entered Rukawa's life, Sendoh went. Rukawa was on his way home when a call from his sister informed him that Sendoh had died from a sudden heart attack caused by a hereditary heart disease. 

His mind had blanked out then. 

Rukawa didn't know how he made it to the hospital, or how he stumbled through the corridors, into the ward where Sendoh's body was placed. He drew the white cloth from the pale and waxen body. Stared at the handsome face that was never to smile again. For once in a long, long time, Rukawa allowed his tears to fall. 

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~Fin


End file.
